Levi x Reader: Push

Peeking through the grate of the Underground were small slivers of light. You reached an eleven-year-old hand out as if you could grab the golden beams, and you felt your heart lurch with a longing and to feel it – an ache so strong, many would be skeptical such a young soul was capable of feeling anything so close to heartbreak. You’d have continued to reach for them, but your weakened state kept you from holding up your hand for very long. A hopeless tear rolled down your cheek. You had trouble standing. What hope did you have of ever leaving that God forsaken place? You sat there staring at the grate, seeing the occasional boot of the rich pigs above walk by. You coughed and wheezed a bit, tears stung your eyes at the pain of the rattling of your bones in your loose skin before you returned to the low, shallow rasping that was your normal breathing. Your stomach was concave your ribs protruded in complete arcs across your chest, and your lack of good nutrition made you considerably smaller than any eleven year old should have been. You shuddered at the slowly dropping temperature. The season was changing again. It would no doubt be your last winter.

It was then you saw three thugs well known amongst the underground walking by. One of them, the one with the black hair, was carrying a roll of old, probably stale, bread. Attached to his hip was a canteen. You hadn’t even noticed that he’d spotted you. You were too busy eyeing his food and whatever beverage was in that canteen. Your __e/c__ eyes glowed with your desire. You smacked your dry lips. A whine would have passed through them if your throat hadn’t been so dry. More tears slipped down your face, and you forced your gaze away to stare at the grate again.

That was when a canteen was shoved in your face. You looked up into gray, apathetic eyes then back down to the canteen, then back up again. His two friends were standing on either side of him, watching you. You felt tears pool in your eyes at how grateful you were. Feebly, you began to lift your arms, shaking considerably at the effort you now had to put into such a simple task. Your tears of gratitude soon turned to frustration. You couldn’t lift your arms high enough. The raven-haired thug lifted your chin and placed the canteen to your lips and tilting it lightly. It was only sewer water, but to you, it tasted like the purest water from a cool, clear mountain spring. He took it away. He tore off a piece of bread and chewed it up and spitting it onto two of his fingers. He lifted up to your mouth where you greedily sucked it off. He’d even considered that you couldn’t properly eat your food. Which you couldn’t. At least this way it was wet enough and mushy enough that you wouldn’t choke trying to swallow it. His friends and he took seats beside you until you couldn’t eat any more. Your stomach’s size had receded so much that you hadn’t eaten much more than half a dozen mouthfuls. But it was better than nothing.

“Thank you,” you croaked out. The raven-haired man merely nodded, and the other two offered verbal responses. Then they left. You looked up at the grate once more, smiling as you looked at the light that filtered through.

They returned each day, feeding you. It seemed that they pitied you enough. Soon you were able to stand for short periods of time, talk in short intervals, and take a few tottering steps here and there. You were the happiest eleven-year-old alive and the most grateful. You felt you had every reason to smile. Isabel, Farlan, and Levi – as you had learned their names were – never understood it. But they had been fortunate enough to be able to get by for a considerable amount of time and longed for more. You were just happy to be alive. Every sip of dirty sewer water and bite of stale (sometimes moldy) bread was like a grand feast hosted by the rich nobles above. You never knew if you would receive meals each day, so every crumb, you counted as a blessing.

One day Levi said he was leaving – him, Farlan, and Isabel. He was wearing a recon corps cape. He was going above ground. Your eyes had widened in wonder. You asked when he would be back. You wanted to know what was up there too. But he said, he might never come back. You were disappointed and a tad heartbroken. You had grown attached to the trio, but you placed a kiss on his forehead, surprising him greatly before giving him a teary eyed smile.

“I hope you be happy. Thank you for food,” you said in your broken grammar. Levi’s look of surprise melted away. He placed a head on your head, and ruffled your dirty __h/c__ hair.

“Take care of yourself, ______.” You nodded as you watched him leave.

You lived in the Underground for another three years.

You looked up at the grate. It had been a while since you had longed for more than what you had. You were healthier. You could move about, even run short distances now. But as you grew and you moved more, expanding your world, you longed to go beyond just what was put before you. Sometimes you’d sit and reach up to the light as you did when you were younger, longing for it. Once those three long years had passed you finally left. Just like that. You migrated to Wall Rose, where you were not necessarily welcome but tolerated better than inside Wall Sina. You lived in the slums, working doing odd jobs for people: cleaning up a bit around their houses for mere pennies. You saved up as much as you could, keeping it all in a tiny burlap pouch tied up with a thin hemp cord around your neck. It wasn’t much of anything, but you loved it. You saw the sky each and every day. You were the happiest fourteen year old in all of humanity – euphoric at the opportunity to see the bright blue sky in the day and innumerable stars in the evening that had filled you with awe and wonder the first time you’d seen them. Sometimes you’d have change left over, and you would use it to buy luxuries (well, to you they were luxurious) such as hot, fresh cinnamon bun or a pair of warm, cotton socks or a flower to give to other poor people who seemed like all hope for them was lost. You knew the cruelties of the world, and yet you knew what it was like to be on the brink of death, longing for strength to move your own body and wondering what lay just beyond your boundaries, and that was what kept you bright – why you continued to look up.

When you were seventeen, the titans took Wall Maria. It was then that you decided to something more with your life – much to your family’s chagrin. When you had been fifteen, a family had taken pity on you. They had one other child, a son whom was seventeen at the time. You met them when you were on the hunt for jobs to earn your few pennies. They took you in, educated you, raised you to be a young lady (though your rough edges gained as a ragamuffin off the street couldn’t be sanded down), and loved you. They did everything in their power to talk you out of becoming any form of soldier that would likely face titans – and it was unlikely you would qualify to be in the military police force. But you felt that you couldn’t sit idly by this time. You couldn’t smile at your fortune anymore, not when so many had lost homes and family members. Your determination only increased when they made an attempt to live inside of Wall Maria again – a doomed effort (though everyone knew it was population control).

That was how you ended up joining the academy at fifteen and training to become a member of the recon corps along with your brother – who refused to let you do it alone.

Your first encounter with a titan was at eighteen. It frightened you and awed you. You had heard of titans, so you knew they were big, but seeing one in person during the battle for Trost was entirely different than just hearing about them. That day you learned how truly insignificant you were, what true fear was, and what it was like to lose dear friends. No matter how good you had become at using 3DMG and practicing, nothing could have prepared you for the horrifying sight of these beasts with wide, unintelligent eyes and (more often than not) wide, toothy, cadaverous grins stretched across their faces, almost as if portraying their enjoyment at humanity’s feeble attempts at defiance. It made you angry, a feeling not common for you. You remembered a feeling from long ago. That feeling of wanting more than what was put before you. You wanted to go beyond the walls and explore what lay out there. You wanted to know what it felt like to move about beyond the walls with the feeling of freedom that would only come when the threat of being killed by titans was no more. It was this feeling that drove you, and it was the feeling you felt each time you were faced by a titan. And it was this feeling that caused you to become one of the fiercest titan slayers amongst the cadets. It wasn’t a feeling you came across in training, so no one knew of this talent until the day Trost was invaded.

~~~

It was someone you had nearly forgotten. His face hadn’t change much other than he looked older – it had been seven years since you’d seen him after all. You didn’t bother trying to catch up. Chances were that he didn’t even remember you. You had merely been that kid he helped when he was in the Underground. When you didn’t see Farlan or Isabel, you could only assume the worst. It would take a bit to move on from that, but you pushed forward.

~~~

Levi thought you were a trouble maker. In the seven years you hadn’t seen him, he hadn’t grown much, and once when he was scolding you about how you weren’t cleaning very efficiently, you had blurted out about how he was rather short. Levi made you run laps that morning until midday. When he asked if you still thought he was short, you rasped a shaky laugh and said that your somewhat swimming vision didn’t make him seem taller. Then he made you run until you collapsed. But after that you were the best damn cleaner in the corps (excluding Levi whom is the cleanliness god). You were still witty, but chipper, and for whatever reason this irked Levi. That you were so gutsy and roguish but did what you did to near perfection that you were alternately admirable and annoying. You liked to mess with him too, and he knew it.

You were best friends with Hanji and considered Levi a friend after a while too (even if he wasn’t exactly ecstatic about the idea). You were slowly but surely carving out a nice little niche for yourself in Levi’s heart, and it showed when he would get on your case a lot. Levi may have spent more time scolding you on a million little details than he did anyone else for their many big details. You didn’t mind. You were happy to just have his attention. You were falling for him, you knew. But you also knew that neither of you had time to focus on such things.

~~~

“Dammit, ______! Why are you even here?!” Levi snapped at you. The two of you were in his office. You were in trouble for pranking Jean with Eren. You didn’t let Levi know that Eren had a part in it – the kid had enough on his plate, being a titan shifter and all.

“To push forward, sir,” you answered, not faltering in your salute. Levi looked at you, so you continued. “When I was little, I grew up in the Underground. Every day I longed to feel what it was like to have the sun shine on me. I almost didn’t make it. A thug and his friends helped me before I could die. Eventually, I made it to Wall Rose. I got adopted. I was content until the titans took Wall Maria. Then I wanted to fight for those who had lost their freedoms, homes, and families. I wanted to help others. And when I first fought a titan, I longed to push beyond the walls. I want to explore beyond these walls. I want more than just what is set before me. I don’t want to live like a caged bird anymore.” Levi was silent through your little speech.

“You remind me of someone I can barely remember,” he said finally, “But that’s not important. There’s still the matter of your punishment. What should I do with you?”

“Whatever it is,” you started before placing a quick kiss on his forehead (much to his shock), “I hope you’ll be happy, Heichou.” Levi’s eyes widened, and moment of silence passed between you two before he spoke again.

“Tch. You weren’t this much of a brat back then.”

~~~

This is kind of an extended ending. I was planning to stop but kept going for some reason.

You had been in the recon corps for two years now. Your brother had lost a leg to a titan and died of infection a year ago. You had lost so many friends, but you were still determined to see this through to the end. Well, part of you was. The other part was worn through and forlorn, but you couldn’t let them die in vain. You had come to lean on Levi and Hanji for support. They were your best friends – Levi especially.

You rested your head on Levi’s shoulder while he held you close. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of your head. The two of you had fought off your feelings for as long as you could, but, in the end, you figured, “what the hell.” There would always be a chance one of you or both of you would be killed by titans, so why deny your feelings? You couldn’t say it was so the two of you wouldn’t get in too deep. The two of you were already in deep. If you were going to die, you at least wanted to make the most of your time alive. You were okay with dying though. You felt you had lived your life well.

You felt that way when you were thrown from your horse during an expedition gone wrong. You were lying on the ground. Your head was pounding and ears ringing. A titan began reaching down to grab you. You saw your life flash before your eyes and at the end you saw a light with your fallen comrades – your brother included beckoning for you. They were smiling and reaching for you, and you were going to reach out for them too, but then you saw yourself standing before you with a look of betrayal on your face.

They’ll die with you if you don’t live for them. You’ll have let their lives go to waste.

Beyond her voice – your own voice – you heard them calling for you, but then a new voice penetrated through the haze. Levi. You turned your head. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion – the titan’s approaching hand, the calls of your fallen loved ones, and Levi riding his horse at full speed towards you with his hand lowered to take yours and pull you along with him. Your eyes widened with the realization that you couldn’t die yet. Not when others were counting on you to make their deaths count for something. Not when you had friends and family to return to. Not when you looked past Levi and saw the sky – bright and blue – stretching out into distance, beckoning to you. Not when you had yet to discover what lay beyond the horizon. With every bit of strength you could muster you reached out to Levi, the sky, and the hope that you would one day know a world free from titans.

~

Ten years later Levi and you stood on the beach, holding hands and marveling at the wonder of seeing an ocean for the first time. The titans’ reign had ended not one month ago.

“It’s so big,” you breathed. You never knew any body of water could be so vast. It made the air smell different – saltier. You buried your toes into the warm sand, and reached down to pick up a small shell. It was a cream color with pink and peach colored streaks painting it. You plopped down in the sand, turning the little shell over and over in your hands. Levi sat next to you (reluctantly).

“I can’t believe it’s finally over,” murmured. Levi kissed you.

“It’s over. Time for new beginnings.”

“Yeah,” you said absently as you watched the waves crash against the shore.

“Marry me.” You looked at him wide-eyed. Before smiling. That proposal was so Levi. Short and straight forward.

“Yeah, okay.”